jennyandtammy.com

twin sisters. living abundantly. loving extravagantly. leading boldly. leaning deeply on Jesus.

On the Brink of a Breakdown, Divorced Woman (still in Recovery)

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10952882_355093381362212_8025378919807217728_n“I’m having an affair. I’ve been sleeping with another woman.”

Ten words delivered by phone from my husband, love of my life, best friend, and father of my children.

Ten words that brought me to my knees and produced pain in my heart that I didn’t know existed. My heart was instantly shattered into glass shards and scattered across the floor with no way to find all the bits or even hope to put them together.

My life as I knew it was forever changed by a phone call and 10 words.

Our life had issues but our marriage had always been so strong. We had kids with special needs. We had experienced the deaths of grandparents and my mother.

But the one thing I knew I could count on was my mate. The man who was always by my side, loving me, encouraging me, pressing me on—he could be trusted.

In that moment, that night—it became clear there was only One who could be trusted and at that heart shattering moment, I wasn’t sure I could remember how to find Him. In fact, I wasn’t sure I could remember how to breathe.

My life changed that night. Trust vanished. Vows broken. Lives changed—mine, my now ex-husband’s, our children, our families.

Things would never be the same. Never.

We could have made it through this crisis. With a lot of work on both our parts and a total surrender to the Father and each other, things could have changed.

But in the end, things did not change (the way I had hoped they would). Rather, I was left to pick up the pieces—not only of my broken heart but also my children’s broken hearts.

I turned to a precious group of female friends who were more like sisters. These ladies did what I could not do in those first few months.

They fed me and my kids. They sent me scriptures at 3am when they knew I would be awake trying to work it all out in my head. They sent me songs of praise to listen to when the nights were dark and scary and lonely. They were the hands and feet of Jesus—when I couldn’t remember what to do next.

They – steadily, readily, with generous hearts – pointed me to the One who would direct my path.

I remember so clearly feeling as if I was sitting at the bottom of a deep, dark well. It was damp and cold. There was no light and the air was so tight on my lungs. I couldn’t breath. I couldn’t see. I was lost and scared.

But these scriptures and songs that were sent by my Jesus’ friends brought a flicker of light into my soul. I looked up and saw that light. It was hope. It was something to grab when there had seemed to be only nothingness.

I took hold of the Hope, and I let it lift me out of the darkness. It was Jesus. He was the Hope in the darkness. He was my rock. He was my air. He was my Light.

And in the end, He was what I needed. That flicker gave me what I needed to pull myself together and begin the process of healing.

It was time for a new life—not one I ever would have wanted, but one that would be better – more peace-filled in so many ways.

My marriage was over, but Jesus was there. And He was enough.

And today, He still is.

COMMENTS:

What place in your life have you most learned that leaning on the One and Only Anchor is the only safe and stable thing to hold onto?

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twin sisters. living abundantly. loving extravagantly. leading boldly. leaning deeply on Jesus.

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  • http://www.iwokeupyesterday.com/ Tammy Bolt Werthem

    what a brave woman you are! thank you for sharing your story and for letting us peak into your broken life and the beautiful healing that Jesus did. praying you experience Him fully as your husband and that He lavishes you with captivating love and grace. thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your story, so that others who are walking through similar pain can find hope!

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