jennyandtammy.com

twin sisters. living abundantly. loving extravagantly. leading boldly. leaning deeply on Jesus.

When Everything Seems So Suddenly Changing, Jenny Bolt Price, adoptive momma

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When the road you are on busts into pieces, has detour signs all over it, or just gets way too bumpy, HE is NOT busted, He has not detoured, and He is so steady.

10952882_355093381362212_8025378919807217728_nI found myself bawling my eyes out about five times this week.  This is good news.  It means my manic, moving, tired, adrenaline led mind is feeling more, and present more in the joys and the pain.

Yesterday’s rolling tears happened in the middle of an airport, while talking to my favorite Father in my life, my hubby.  My 11-year-old daughter sat there, watching my snot faced sobs, while my husband waited on the other line for me to gather my words.

“Did I upset you?” “What did I say to make you cry?”

Nothing.  He did nothing.  Life had done enough.

He than asked to speak with my daughter, “Take care of mommy.  Encourage her.  She’s tired.”  (THAT is some sweet Daddy Love).

Rental car company would not honor my reservation due to me showing up one hour late.  They jacked up my price for traveling to see my littlest one – by over $500 more dollars, making my car rental $943!  THAT IS RIDICULOUS RIGHT?

So, we got creative, and booked a flight, literally 20 minutes before getting to the airport.  Then that plane was maybe not going to make its connection in Dallas, and so on, and so forth.

And my daughter and I are traveling to see her twin brother.  He’s been living on his own (with Jesus) away from our family for over six months.  That too is a piece of life that lends my tears to bust out pretty fast.

I am truly thankful for the sorrows of this Reactive Attachment Disordered child – I am grateful for all that I get to learn about love, and grace, and Jesus’ faithful by my side tenderness – and all of that for my boy too.

It’s hard raising a boy who’d rather be Mowgli, raised by wolves.  He’s hesitant at times to even miss home as that word “home” means very little to a boy who started his formative years in utter chaos and neglect.

He’s healing.  He’s learning new tools.  

He’s breaking through some old stories to make new ones.

His brain is being treated by neuro-feedback (an unusual and evidenced based proven treatment for those who suffer PTSD or trauma disorders like him).  I too got those electrodes placed with sticky stuff on my head – one to see what the treatment was all about, and two, because my brain’s been pretty fried by all of this.

When trauma enters your home, when you have a history of “mild” trauma yourself (sexual abuse in childhood, addiction in my twin sister, bi-polar dad, etc), a strong, anchored Mom, a devoted, stable family – can break.

My brain test simply said, I am tired, and wired with 1000 thoughts per minute (that may be exaggerated but it feels pretty fast up there).  I don’t fit the need for treatment as my brain waves baseline is steady enough.

His brain waves need motivation and healing.  He plays spaceship races with the computer – the steadier his breathing, the calmer his brain, the faster the ship races.  Pretty cool “medicine”.

He’s coming home a few months early.  Compared to the boys he lives with, he’s moving pretty fast through treatment.  He will practice the tools way more effectively in the setting of his permanent home.  His therapist will likely do three home trips to train all of us, every family member, even the dog.

It’s been a long couple of years.  Lots of heartache, lots of being wounded, both child to mom, and mom to child.  We’ve truly done the best we can and we have tried and tried and tried to the point of exhaustion – thus the need for out of home treatment.

And in the pain we have found rest. In the crushing blows we have carried the hope we profess.  In the hard moments of wondering how it will all turn out, there is trust.  Faith like Peter.  Just walk out on those waves and know – He will carry us through.

Today is Father’s Day, 2016.  I miss my Dad.  He never met my twins.  A father of twins himself (I and my sister are his baby girls) – he would have embraced them tenderly.  He would have made them laugh and wonder at who God is.

The twins’ Daddy, my darling and tired and strong and “weak when He is powerful enough” God follower: He deserves a very big, celebratory HAPPY FATHER’S DAY!  He’s been an anchor as I have fallen into a steady battle for my own mental and emotional health.  He’s stepped up in ways in our home that very few men would ever do.

He listens as my tears fall.  He tells me the truth – “We are gonna make it.  We are Jenny.”  I am blessed.  When life changes in shocking ways, God does not change.

COMMENTS:  How do you KNOW this truth today?  How is it hard to believe this truth today?

A special thank you to #TeamPrice and Covenant Fellowship in Stuart, FL

You have carried us through – what a blessed community we get to live and love in.

About jennyandtammy

twin sisters. living abundantly. loving extravagantly. leading boldly. leaning deeply on Jesus.

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